Rattling around in my head

There are several thoughts simultaneously in my head right now. Some are practical, some are theoretical, and one seems to bridge the two.
On the practical side, my ddil had a heart 'episode' two nights ago. Though she is only 23 she is on beta blockers. We invited our ds and ddil for dinner last night with some other guests and ds came be ddil did not. Erik told us that the night before she had been having some bad palpitations and couldn't control her eyes and couldn't walk. He has been through many lesser episodes with her but this was the worst. She went to work but came home early because she had strong tingling in her legs and arms. She still had it last night. I told Erik I thought she should really go to the doctor. So this morning they got an appointment and that's where they are now.
We also have a guest here. He's a great guy, a retired Air Force General who is the Executive Director of a nonprofit we work with. So, part of me feels like I should be down with him, but part of me thinks he's happy to be left alone, so he can get some work done, and most of me knows I needed this time to have some quiet time. And part of me knows I need to get some housework done.
Which is where the bridge comes in.
I am still trudging through Leviticus and Numbers, not the most inspiring books of the Bible. But in my reading today I was reading about the Gershonites, the Kohathites and the Merarites. Nothing profound, but God gave them such exciting jobs as 'general service and carrying loads', removing ashes from the altar, and wrapping utenils. Doesn't sound like very holy work to me. And yet it was. It was because it related to the Temple of God. Because they were caring for God's dwelling place, their work was sacred. So I'm thinking that the application is relevant. God's dwelling place is now the hearts of believers. So just as these clans had menial work that was sacred, so all I do for those who bear the image of God is sacred. Carrying loads doesn't sound like a high calling, and yet it was. So whether I physically carry a load for my family...laundry, cooking, whatever...or an emotional one or prayer, it all becomes a sacred duty. So while missions may feel more spiritual, or leading a Bible study, it's not if it isn't what God called me to do. And if I am doing the dishes to care for Christ-bearers, it is holy.
Another truth that hit me again was about betrayal. Numbers says, "If any of the people-men or women-betraythe Lord by doing wrong to another person, they are guilty." Our sin in ultimately never against someone else, in the end it is against the Lord. I am not denying the hurt and pain we may cause another or that we can sin against them. In fact it goes on to say that we must confess and make restitution. But the biggie here isn't our sin against them, it's our sin against God. Because everything we do to harm another person does several other things as well. It is a sign of rebellion against God's laws, it harms His name and it shows a lack of faith that He will handle our situation for us. I wonder if that last one isn't the one that hurts Him the most. I know that when I have sinned, it is the betrayal of God that has grieved me the most. I have repented of my wrongdoing but I have been abject that I couldn't take back that lack of faith, the turning away from trust. I was thinking yesterday about the questions that I have about the Bible. They are real. I struggle with them. But not in the sense that they make me doubt God or His Word. Rather it's a struggle to understand, to comprehend, to unlock the complexities of His Word. And one of the main reasons I want to understand is so that I can help others as they grapple with His Truth. I think that for myself, I'm content to just trust and know that in eternity I'll understand. But when someone else asks, I want to have an answer. As I was thinking I thought about losing faith and how awful that would be. I can't even imagine it. God is so real to me, even when He is distant. If I removed the reality of Him, my life would collapse. I would be like a body with no skeleton. There would be no framework for life. When I was eighteen I wrote a poem. I don't know where it is now, but I think I remember the beginning.
Misty clouds draw night to earth, shrouding from my view,
the clear cut image of a tree of multivaried hue.
A tree so straight, so hard, so fierce, against the winds of time,
now softens in this darkest gloom, this mist within my mind.
It sinks and wavers, fading fast, without the ebbing light,
I turn... and find nothing to watch amid this darkest night.
The crosscut image of my mind, has left an empty void,
now filled with thoughts and dreams and goals
with which my mind has toyed.
I drift in stillness now alone, at last I'm on my own.
And ice cold waters fill my veins and stiffness fills my bones.
No center point, no new direction, every space is black.
There is no axis for my life, I walk with back to back.

I wrote that after a really hard time in my life. I had tried to leave God alone. In fact, I had said, "Listen God, You forget about me and I'll forget about You, okay?" I'll just say it didn't work too well, and the poem above was the best way I could find at the time to express what I was feeling. But that was thirty years ago. Amazing isn't it? Lewis says that there are three things necessary for morality. One must be in harmony with the others working towards the same goal, one must be at harmony within oneself and one must have the correct objective. That may be simplistic but I think that as far as it goes, it is true. For me, at this point in life, I think my biggest struggle is the one within myself.
And just one more thought I had which is just sort of a point for exploration. I was thinking of scientists and philosophers and theologians. Let's see if I can put into words the beginning of my thought. Both scientists and philosophers begin with the physical. From what I understand the scientist (speaking in generalities of course) separates the physical from all else and only wants observable data. I believe that most philosophers study the physical and try to derive eternal truths from what they observe. But the flaw here is that nothing physical is an absolute, nor is anything physical eternal. So a scientist studying only the physical learns only how uncertain things are and likewise, the attempts to obtain a complete understanding of life, from studying the physical, is doomed to failure. Those who say that there is no absolute truth are correct, in what they understand. But what they don't understand is that there is a Truth that is before and after the physical. So even though there may not be a fixed physical frame for the universe, there is something beyond the universe that is fixed and is unchangeable. They are just blind to it. Tozer talks about all of this and does a much better job of it.