Perceiving our badness

Here is a quote from Lewis.

"When we merely say that we are bad, the 'wrath' of God seems a barbarous doctrine; as soon as we perceive our badness, it appears inevitable, a mere corollary from God's goodness. To keep ever before us the insight derived from such a moment as I have been describing, to learn to detect the same real inexcusable corruption under more an dmore of its complex disguises, is therefore indispensable to a real understanding of the Christian faith."

Okay, this is where I am. I don't pretend to have explored the depths of my own sin. But what I've seen of it is enough. I have had my eyes opened enough to catch a glimpse of my own failings, utter and complete, and that is enough. I don't want to see any more because I am dismayed at the bit I have seen.

But I have to wonder. Are all as sinful as I? The Roman Centurion was called a 'righteous man' if I remember it correctly. I want to cling to the idea that everyone would do the same as I given the same circumstances. But I think that is really just another sign of sin in me...pride. I cling to finding some excuse for my wrongdoing.

I don't think this really makes any difference. I am desperately in need of a Savior and I've been given one. My mind shouldn't even wonder about the failings of others. It's enough for me to know that I have been given a way of escape.

So I guess, in a twisted way, it is a gift that I have seen my failings so clearly. If I were a 'better' person, I might not realize that I had such a need of Christ, so much to be grateful for. It's had to think of being thankful for being revealed in my sin, and maybe I'm wrong in that, and yet it makes it so much easier to be grateful. I have so much more to be grateful for.

This little thought process hasn't been very succinct or straightforward. I guess what I am saying is that though everyone falls short of the glory of God, not everyone is equally sinful. I have seen that I am about as sinful as they come and totally without excuse. I am grateful (which seems a strange thing to be grateful for) that I have seen my total failure to be righteous. Seeing my sinfulness makes it so much easier to be grateful to God. I'm not saying that my sin is good, only that it has revealed God's goodness. Which is all in Scripture, now that I think about it, it's just that it has come to life for me.