Sunday, August 19, 2007

How the mind least mine

I think it's fascinating. When I was told I could have lymphoma or perhaps 'something else' all I could focus on was lymphoma. Last night I found something called Sjogren's Syndrome that also seems to fit the bill. So now, that's what I think I might have. It's amazing what just having a specific alternative does for me. I went from thinking of having cancer, to thinking of not having it. That ought to be applicable to something.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

And More Stuff

We're in Cedarville, Ohio right now. Our daughter is here to begin her first year of college. Today was abit overwhelming. I'm used to another college, where the rooms are large and the storage is ample. These girls have to share a room that is....well...small to say the least. They get one dresser to share between the two of them. Four drawers for two girls. That's right. It is amazing though. The other family arrived yesterday and they have come up with some amazingly creative ways to expand the storage space. We are blessed that Christie is sharing a room with their daughter. We bought a three tiered shelf (their idea) put it on a board on top of the desk, and voila! Room for a bookshelf! The dad is putting boards together to form a shelf over the complicated to explain, but it will give them a place to put their clocks and a few photos. They found these rolling drawers that area amazing, they go the whole width of the bed. So each girl gets two of those. Anyway, I'm astounded at what we were able to fit in that minute space. But it was very time consuming. Poor Christie was really tired by the end of the day. We left her in her new small group. We'll see her tomorrow morning.
I have a biopsy scheduled for Friday. That is assuming that I can get all my health care switched over. My friend, Charles, arranged it all. He is going to have all kinds of blood work done in the hopes that it's a parasite that I picked up in Africa. But he is going to biopsy several of the nodes, he says it shouldn't be a problem, they will be easy to stick. If the results are not conclusive he'll arrange for a surgery to take one out. Then, he said, he would hand me over to someone who specializes in lymphomas. But he said he wanted to be the one to give me the news. He's really going to a lot of trouble. In fact, he said he had decided to postpone a trip the next week if we can't get it done by Friday. I must say, I'll be glad to know, whatever the outcome. It's just the not knowing that is hard. Not that it will be easy if I find out I have cancer, but at least I will know what the battle is.
But today I realized, I keep thinking about what to do if I do have cancer. I need to think just as much, if not more, about what to do if I don't have cancer. I want to live my life well whether I have five years or fifty. So in a way, this is a good wake up call. Am I using my time well? Am I taking care of my health? Am I eating right? Why would I wait for a disease to make me change those things? So I need to make some changes now. Maybe that way I won't have to face something in the future. So really, this is good, even if it does turn out to be much ado about nothing.
So, this weekend is Christie's. I hope we can make it a good one for her and that she feels loved.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


A friend just called. He's a good friend to have. He's an oncologist, an expert in his field. He goes all over teaching. Last night he was at our house and took a look at some lumps I found on my neck a couple of months ago. Last night he told me not to worry, that we shouldn't go any farther than we know we need to go, etc. Tonight he called to tell me that he had been thinking of me all day, that he and his wife had prayed for me and that he wanted to help me navigate through this situation. Although I am very grateful for his call, somehow it doesn't make me feel any better. Instead it makes me think that what he felt last night didn't feel normal. Well, in fact he told me that things were not going to end with the CT scan that I have scheduled for Thursday night, that I could count on having a biopsy. Now I know that that doesn't mean I have cancer, but the odds just went up, at least in my opinion. He said I have one of two things, either an infection (which could be something as light as mono) or cancer. He told me to go ahead and change my health care to Johns Hopkins, that way he can help me with scheduling and recommendations. I don't know, somehow that all sounds a little bit ominous.