It's funny, I didn't expect this blog to become a Bible journal, and yet that seems to be the main thing I write about. It's just that I enjoy putting down my observations and questions as I read. So, before I get to that, I think I'm finally getting my puppy! He will be ready to be 'adopted' on May 1. After Art said I could get one, I began having second thoughts. But, you know, when I was a kid, I was afraid of growing up. I didn't want to be like the adults I knew who were always governed by what was practical. And so I'm going to go ahead and do the heart thing instead of the head thing. I'm getting a puppy. A beautiful, big, impractical Newfoundland!
My dh and I are in an era of our lives I would call one of 'plenty'. That is, we have more than enough to supply our needs and even our wants, because our wants aren't extravagant. So I really liked these verses I read yesterday from Deuteronomy 8.
"Beware that in your plenty you do not forget the Lord you God and disobey his commands...for when you have become full and porsperous and have built fine homes to live in...that is the time to be careful. Do not become proud at that time and forget the Lord you God...Do not forget that he led you...he gave you...he fed you. He did this to humble you and test you for your own good. He did it so you would never think that it was your own strength and energy that made you wealthy. Always remember that it is the Lord you God who give you power to become rich...It is not at all because you such righteous, upright people...I will say it again: The Lord you God is not giving you this good land because you are righteous, for you are not-you are a stubborn people...you have constantly rebelled against him. (Chapter 10) Therefore cleanse you sinful hearts and stop being stubborn. Be careful to obey all the commands I give you; show love to the Lord your God by walking in his ways and clinging to him."
I have been thinking about the OT and the NT and how much we can apply, or rather how we can apply the OT. Obviously, Christ changed things. In the OT, the Israelites were to set up an earthly kingdom. Jesus makes it clear that the kingdom of God is within us. So the way God was working out His plan was manifest differently.
The most obvious example is the change from an eye for an eye, to turn the other cheek. So I think we are inconsistent in how we apply the OT. We pick and choose and say that one verse is for today and another isn't. I know people who will say that the OT prohibition on taboos is still applicable but think nothing of wearing a poly/cotton shirt, which is prohibited in the same chapter. The missionaries to Hawaii tore down all the idols and temples and I can see why if we look only at the OT. But Paul took a different approach. So I need to figure out what we today (or at least I today) am to do with the OT and how I'm to apply it to my life.
So, on a different level, I am babysitting all day today and tomorrow. I have a steering group meeting that I have to prepare the food for on Saturday and company coming in on Friday night, possibly for dinner. And Katie is coming over on Sunday to celebrate her birthday. I haven't gotten her a gift yet. I don't know when I'll have the chance either. And I need to get Andy's gifts wrapped so that Betsy can take them tomorrow when she heads down. Andy is in KC right now. I'm hoping things will become very clear to him this weekend.
I woke up this morning from a nightmare and I couldn't shake it and I was pretty much a basket case for a while. Not so good. I don't know where these dreams come from. But I wish they would stay away.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Pity party?
Reading in Deuteronomy 3 and 4 it seems as if Moses is at his most human. He's whining about not getting to go into the promised land! If I remember correctly it was because Moses struck the rock and in so doing dishonored God by not trusting him, that he wasn't allowed into the promised land. But even Moses, Godly, humble and patient man that he was, couldn't resist the temptation to blame someone else. He says it in 3:26 and then again in 4:21. "The Lord was angry with me because of you." Wow. It started in the garden of Eden and it's here with Moses. So I have to wonder, what am I blaming on someone else that I need to take responsibility for?
That's the kind of question that I ask myself and never discipline myself to take the time to answer. Because it does take time to answer that kind of question. Time to think and ponder and pray. That meditative time is something I want to incorporate more of into my life. I'm at a place now where I have the luxury of doing it. Instead I'm afraid that I fritter away my time. I don't want to waste my time.
Also, there is a verse here, 4:9 that seems to speak to the distance that we often feel from God. It says, "Be careful never to forget what you have seen the Lord do for you." If God was going to be constantly interacting, I don't think there would be the call to remember, because it would be present, not past. But it seems as if it is natural, in God's view, for there to be times when He is not obviously present. It is during those times that we have to live on the 'storehouse' of the knowledge of what He has done in our lives and in the lives of our parents and others. It's so important to share with our children the times that God has answered prayers, or spoken to us, or changed us in a way that we couldn't have changed ourselves.
Later, "If you search for Him with all your heart and soul you will find Him." Doesn't seem to agree with the TULIP model, that verse.
Why do we still honor all of the Ten Commandments except the one about the Sabbath day and keeping it holy? Even if we agree that it's now Sunday instead of Saturday, why is it not set aside as a day of rest dedicated to the Lord? It's interesting that eight of the commandments are 'do nots' and only two are 'do' commandments. Do we just ignore that commandment because it's harder to keep?
I just recently faced up to my own priorities. I was going to go to Viet Nam on a mission trip. I really wanted to go. But I realized I couldn't do both that and go see my folks. I thought about the verse that says But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, 'Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God,' and I felt convicted. I love my parents, it's not that at all. I want to go see them. But I was so busy doing 'Godly work' that I wasn't giving them the honor and attention they deserved. So I took the loss of the money I had put down and cancelled the trip. The money isn't really a loss anyway, I'm sure the mission group can use it. And as often as my thoughts turn toward Viet Nam, I know I made the right choice.
I just have to add one more verse, that doesn't seem to me to fit in with TULIP theology.
Deut 5:29 Oh, that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever!
It sounds an awful lot to me like God desires something He has put in the ability of man to give Him, that is, obedience. There are just so many little verses like that throughout the Bible. Little snippets that just don't fit into the narrow parameters of man made systematic theology. Anyway, I'll save that for another time, maybe another place.
That's the kind of question that I ask myself and never discipline myself to take the time to answer. Because it does take time to answer that kind of question. Time to think and ponder and pray. That meditative time is something I want to incorporate more of into my life. I'm at a place now where I have the luxury of doing it. Instead I'm afraid that I fritter away my time. I don't want to waste my time.
Also, there is a verse here, 4:9 that seems to speak to the distance that we often feel from God. It says, "Be careful never to forget what you have seen the Lord do for you." If God was going to be constantly interacting, I don't think there would be the call to remember, because it would be present, not past. But it seems as if it is natural, in God's view, for there to be times when He is not obviously present. It is during those times that we have to live on the 'storehouse' of the knowledge of what He has done in our lives and in the lives of our parents and others. It's so important to share with our children the times that God has answered prayers, or spoken to us, or changed us in a way that we couldn't have changed ourselves.
Later, "If you search for Him with all your heart and soul you will find Him." Doesn't seem to agree with the TULIP model, that verse.
Why do we still honor all of the Ten Commandments except the one about the Sabbath day and keeping it holy? Even if we agree that it's now Sunday instead of Saturday, why is it not set aside as a day of rest dedicated to the Lord? It's interesting that eight of the commandments are 'do nots' and only two are 'do' commandments. Do we just ignore that commandment because it's harder to keep?
I just recently faced up to my own priorities. I was going to go to Viet Nam on a mission trip. I really wanted to go. But I realized I couldn't do both that and go see my folks. I thought about the verse that says But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, 'Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God,' and I felt convicted. I love my parents, it's not that at all. I want to go see them. But I was so busy doing 'Godly work' that I wasn't giving them the honor and attention they deserved. So I took the loss of the money I had put down and cancelled the trip. The money isn't really a loss anyway, I'm sure the mission group can use it. And as often as my thoughts turn toward Viet Nam, I know I made the right choice.
I just have to add one more verse, that doesn't seem to me to fit in with TULIP theology.
Deut 5:29 Oh, that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever!
It sounds an awful lot to me like God desires something He has put in the ability of man to give Him, that is, obedience. There are just so many little verses like that throughout the Bible. Little snippets that just don't fit into the narrow parameters of man made systematic theology. Anyway, I'll save that for another time, maybe another place.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Orphans and widows
I found out today that you can build an orphanage in India, that will house 25 children for $7,000. That's it. $7,000. And then it would take another $7,000 a year to keep it running...food, salaries, everything. My daughters go to a private school. If each of the kids there gave up four Starbucks coffees a year and gave the money to a project like this, instead, it would cover the cost. Or two nighttime movies. Or one pair of inexpensive jeans. Amazing.
My dh and I are one on this. We want to be involved. Isn't that what true religion is? Taking care of the orphans and widows?
It seems like there should be a way to incorporate the two. Maybe use widows who would otherwise be homeless to be caretakers for the children. It would provide work for them and love for the children. I'm wondering how one could visit different orphanages to see what works. I know there are good ways of doing things and bad and it's probably better to do nothing than do it incorrectly, I think you could do more harm than good. But there must be a way to find out what works. I want to figure it out.
My dh and I are one on this. We want to be involved. Isn't that what true religion is? Taking care of the orphans and widows?
It seems like there should be a way to incorporate the two. Maybe use widows who would otherwise be homeless to be caretakers for the children. It would provide work for them and love for the children. I'm wondering how one could visit different orphanages to see what works. I know there are good ways of doing things and bad and it's probably better to do nothing than do it incorrectly, I think you could do more harm than good. But there must be a way to find out what works. I want to figure it out.
"Every man...knows there is that within him which falls far below even his most careless public behaviour, even his loosest talk...We have never told the whole truth...I do not think it is our fault that we cannot tell the real truth about ourselves; the persistent, life-long, inner murmur of spite, jealousy, prurience, greed and self-complacence, simply will not go into words."
C.S. Lewis
As I read this today, I said, in my spirit, "Yes!" I can't even own up within myself to just how much there is within me that is ugly. I am frightened of and disgusted by my own nature.
But I'm not sure about the 'every man' concept. I don't think most people have that same feeling about themselves. And that's okay. I'm just not sure whether that nature doesn't reside in them or whether they are just unaware of it. But when I have tried to express this idea on one or two occasions, I have been met with a blank stare.
It's not my business though, to try and see what is in others. I have a big enough job asking God to look inside of me and scour me out, painful as that may be and then use me as He wants.
C.S. Lewis
As I read this today, I said, in my spirit, "Yes!" I can't even own up within myself to just how much there is within me that is ugly. I am frightened of and disgusted by my own nature.
But I'm not sure about the 'every man' concept. I don't think most people have that same feeling about themselves. And that's okay. I'm just not sure whether that nature doesn't reside in them or whether they are just unaware of it. But when I have tried to express this idea on one or two occasions, I have been met with a blank stare.
It's not my business though, to try and see what is in others. I have a big enough job asking God to look inside of me and scour me out, painful as that may be and then use me as He wants.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Friday, March 9, 2007
My Bible study journal
Bible study thoughts
I guess that's the title I should have given my blog. I'm usually motivated to write when I read something I don't understand. I have always felt like Bible study leaders felt threatened by me. If I ask unorthodox questions they seem to feel threatened and like I am just a trouble maker or trying to be disagreeable. Maybe to them the answers are obvious, I don't know, but I've learned to keep my mouth shut in most groups. I can remember only two teachers who have even not only welcomed my questions but seemed to delight in them. I wish I could find a teacher like that now. Of course it could also be that my questions are just boring to others and they don't wonder about them at all. I would love to have a Bible study group of strong Christians where we could talk about these things. Another reason I often stay quiet in Bible studies is so that I won't hinder the growth of younger or less secure Christians. I would hate it if my questions caused them to doubt.
In Numbers 33 it says that God had 'defeated the Gods of Egypt' when he killed the firstborn sons in every household.
Okay, this as well as several other passages treat the gods as if they are real, not just the figment of man's imagination. What glory is there in defeating something that doesn't exist? Wouldn't it say something more to the effect of 'God proved the God's of Egypt were man's vain imaginings' instead of talking of defeat?
I think too often we pooh-pooh the idea of 'real' gods, instead we settle in comfortably with the idea that money and television and power are our gods. And those things no doubt are. But even in them I think there is perhaps a spiritual god behind them. Spiritual warfare is real. In other cultures at least, curses often work. It's not that there is no power in the forces of evil, there is. It's just that God's power is far greater. And because we are covered by the blood of Christ, Satan and his minions can't prevail against us. It's a bit frightening to even write about. I don't want to draw any negative attention to myself or my family. But we are in Christ Jesus so there really should be no fear.
Later in 33 God says, "If you fail to drive out the people who live in the land, those who remain will be like splinters in your eyes and thorns in your sides." I believe the OT is literally true. But I also believe it is often symbolic. This is one of those places. When we come into the fullness of the Gospel (coming into the promised land) we still have work to do. One of those jobs is to rid ourselves of certain things, (in NT jargon, 'put off' or 'rid yourselves') If we don't do that, those very things will be constant pain and irritation to us. The sooner we destroy them, and root them out, the sooner we will live at peace.
Personal thoughts
On another level, much lower I'm afraid, I was confronted with an aspect of my character, or personality, that I'm not sure I like.
There is something in me that really doesn't want to take classes. I haven't figured out the root of it yet, I think it has several dimensions. Things I think I believe, even if they aren't valid are:
If someone has to teach you then it's not really yours
If I don't have instruction and do well, then I've done very well. But if I take a class and do well, then I have no excuse for not having done very well.
So, I think at the root of both of those road blocks is the ugly sin of pride. Sort of a reverse pride, I guess. Feel of failure in the second and wanting complete ownership in the first.
In the first, I think that deep down I believe that creativity and intelligence should be instinctive and self-contained, not grow out of the thoughts and ideas of others. But I guess that's hogwash. Everything about life, whether we like it or not, is influenced by others. I think this might have it's roots in a story I wrote as a child in fourth grade. I got a very good grade on it. But the teacher had obviously never read Lewis or she would have flunked me for plagiarism. I didn't copy anything verbatim, but I definitely took many of his ideas and wove them together. When I later reread the story I was ashamed of what I had done, though at the time I don't think I had realized it was wrong. But I saw myself as a cheater and was chagrined.
On the second, I have a deep fear of failure. Instead of causing me to try harder, it generally causes me to not put forth much effort at all. If I haven't really tried, then I can't fail, right? But if I give something my all, if I really want it and I don't acheive it, then it would be awful. I haven't sat down and looked at 'awful' to see what the reality of that would look like. I think I need to do that. I would, no doubt, find that the consequences wouldn't be so bad at all. So that is a task I am going to assign myself.
I remember when Art began buying so many properties and I was always in stress that several would be empty at the same time and we wouldn't be able to pay all the mortgages. When I finally thought through what could happen, I got to the fact that we could lose everything we own. And in the end I realized I could handle that. And so, that worry was pretty much banished. I had faced the fear, imagined it and overcome it. If it came to pass, I knew that I could deal with it. I think that's what I need to do here. It's pride that makes me want to excel and false humility that keeps me from trying.
As long as I am judged on the basis of being a high school drop-out I'm quite impressive. I'm far more intelligent and well read than statistics would lead one to expect. But if I have an education, ah, then I've raised the standard, and I think I'm afraid to see how I will do.
I don't think that if I get this right in my head I will necessarily return to college. But I will be thinking correctly, and that will be a very good thing.
I guess that's the title I should have given my blog. I'm usually motivated to write when I read something I don't understand. I have always felt like Bible study leaders felt threatened by me. If I ask unorthodox questions they seem to feel threatened and like I am just a trouble maker or trying to be disagreeable. Maybe to them the answers are obvious, I don't know, but I've learned to keep my mouth shut in most groups. I can remember only two teachers who have even not only welcomed my questions but seemed to delight in them. I wish I could find a teacher like that now. Of course it could also be that my questions are just boring to others and they don't wonder about them at all. I would love to have a Bible study group of strong Christians where we could talk about these things. Another reason I often stay quiet in Bible studies is so that I won't hinder the growth of younger or less secure Christians. I would hate it if my questions caused them to doubt.
In Numbers 33 it says that God had 'defeated the Gods of Egypt' when he killed the firstborn sons in every household.
Okay, this as well as several other passages treat the gods as if they are real, not just the figment of man's imagination. What glory is there in defeating something that doesn't exist? Wouldn't it say something more to the effect of 'God proved the God's of Egypt were man's vain imaginings' instead of talking of defeat?
I think too often we pooh-pooh the idea of 'real' gods, instead we settle in comfortably with the idea that money and television and power are our gods. And those things no doubt are. But even in them I think there is perhaps a spiritual god behind them. Spiritual warfare is real. In other cultures at least, curses often work. It's not that there is no power in the forces of evil, there is. It's just that God's power is far greater. And because we are covered by the blood of Christ, Satan and his minions can't prevail against us. It's a bit frightening to even write about. I don't want to draw any negative attention to myself or my family. But we are in Christ Jesus so there really should be no fear.
Later in 33 God says, "If you fail to drive out the people who live in the land, those who remain will be like splinters in your eyes and thorns in your sides." I believe the OT is literally true. But I also believe it is often symbolic. This is one of those places. When we come into the fullness of the Gospel (coming into the promised land) we still have work to do. One of those jobs is to rid ourselves of certain things, (in NT jargon, 'put off' or 'rid yourselves') If we don't do that, those very things will be constant pain and irritation to us. The sooner we destroy them, and root them out, the sooner we will live at peace.
Personal thoughts
On another level, much lower I'm afraid, I was confronted with an aspect of my character, or personality, that I'm not sure I like.
There is something in me that really doesn't want to take classes. I haven't figured out the root of it yet, I think it has several dimensions. Things I think I believe, even if they aren't valid are:
If someone has to teach you then it's not really yours
If I don't have instruction and do well, then I've done very well. But if I take a class and do well, then I have no excuse for not having done very well.
So, I think at the root of both of those road blocks is the ugly sin of pride. Sort of a reverse pride, I guess. Feel of failure in the second and wanting complete ownership in the first.
In the first, I think that deep down I believe that creativity and intelligence should be instinctive and self-contained, not grow out of the thoughts and ideas of others. But I guess that's hogwash. Everything about life, whether we like it or not, is influenced by others. I think this might have it's roots in a story I wrote as a child in fourth grade. I got a very good grade on it. But the teacher had obviously never read Lewis or she would have flunked me for plagiarism. I didn't copy anything verbatim, but I definitely took many of his ideas and wove them together. When I later reread the story I was ashamed of what I had done, though at the time I don't think I had realized it was wrong. But I saw myself as a cheater and was chagrined.
On the second, I have a deep fear of failure. Instead of causing me to try harder, it generally causes me to not put forth much effort at all. If I haven't really tried, then I can't fail, right? But if I give something my all, if I really want it and I don't acheive it, then it would be awful. I haven't sat down and looked at 'awful' to see what the reality of that would look like. I think I need to do that. I would, no doubt, find that the consequences wouldn't be so bad at all. So that is a task I am going to assign myself.
I remember when Art began buying so many properties and I was always in stress that several would be empty at the same time and we wouldn't be able to pay all the mortgages. When I finally thought through what could happen, I got to the fact that we could lose everything we own. And in the end I realized I could handle that. And so, that worry was pretty much banished. I had faced the fear, imagined it and overcome it. If it came to pass, I knew that I could deal with it. I think that's what I need to do here. It's pride that makes me want to excel and false humility that keeps me from trying.
As long as I am judged on the basis of being a high school drop-out I'm quite impressive. I'm far more intelligent and well read than statistics would lead one to expect. But if I have an education, ah, then I've raised the standard, and I think I'm afraid to see how I will do.
I don't think that if I get this right in my head I will necessarily return to college. But I will be thinking correctly, and that will be a very good thing.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Numbers
From reading the Old Testament, I can understand the fanatacism of many of the Puritan type leaders. In Numbers 25 the story is told of Phineas and his fury at seeing an Israelite man bring a Midianite woman into the camp and into his tent. It says that he "thrust the spear all the way through the man's body and into the woman's stomach." Yikes. And then God says that Phinehas had turned God's anger away from Israel by showing 'passionate zeal' on His behalf. So I can see why people looked for the cause of God's anger against them when a plague broke out.
I guess the problem is that this isn't the way God works anymore. The New Testament doesn't show any of this that I can think of. Christ never tried to change society that I can see, He tried to change people. There is such a difference between Old and New, I'm trying to get my arms around it. But I remember being surprised, when I read straight through the OT the first time how much love and grace was found there. Not so much in Numbers but in Isaiah and Jeremiah.
Also, it's interesting that the sons of Korah were not killed in his rebellion. It almost looks as if they had separated themselves from him and so they didn't bear the consequences of his sin.
And then I have always found the story in chapter 27 interesting where the daughters of Zelophehad came and asked for their father's property since he had no sons. God changes the rules! From that time on, daughters could receive the inheritance. So, I have to wonder. Why didn't God put that in the law in the first place? Surely He hadn't just overlooked it. : ) He knew what He was doing when He wrote the law. So what is the lesson here for me? To go ahead and ask? That I don't have because I don't ask? It certainly elevates the role of women in society and culture. I'm just not sure why He waited until they brought it up to address the issue.
Moses didn't get to go into the promised land because he failed to demonstrate God's holiness to them at the waters. I'm not sure quite how he did that. I mean I know that he struck the rock instead of speaking to it, but after all he had done right, that seems so small. I want to understand why it was such a big deal. I think of the times I haven't demonstrated God's holiness both in my home and other places. It makes me cringe in fear and sorrow. My actions have often smeared the name of God...my selfishness, losing my temper, my depression. God forgive me.
When Joshua was chosen to lead Israel, he already had the Spirit in him. I don't think the Spirit was given then as it is now. I wonder if it was Joshua's faith as a spy that caused him to be filled?
God says, "the offering you you present to me by the fire are my food" which I find interesting. Jesus said something like, "My food is to do the will of my Father." I never think of "God" as needing food of any sort.
I have to stop now, but I may add more later.
I guess the problem is that this isn't the way God works anymore. The New Testament doesn't show any of this that I can think of. Christ never tried to change society that I can see, He tried to change people. There is such a difference between Old and New, I'm trying to get my arms around it. But I remember being surprised, when I read straight through the OT the first time how much love and grace was found there. Not so much in Numbers but in Isaiah and Jeremiah.
Also, it's interesting that the sons of Korah were not killed in his rebellion. It almost looks as if they had separated themselves from him and so they didn't bear the consequences of his sin.
And then I have always found the story in chapter 27 interesting where the daughters of Zelophehad came and asked for their father's property since he had no sons. God changes the rules! From that time on, daughters could receive the inheritance. So, I have to wonder. Why didn't God put that in the law in the first place? Surely He hadn't just overlooked it. : ) He knew what He was doing when He wrote the law. So what is the lesson here for me? To go ahead and ask? That I don't have because I don't ask? It certainly elevates the role of women in society and culture. I'm just not sure why He waited until they brought it up to address the issue.
Moses didn't get to go into the promised land because he failed to demonstrate God's holiness to them at the waters. I'm not sure quite how he did that. I mean I know that he struck the rock instead of speaking to it, but after all he had done right, that seems so small. I want to understand why it was such a big deal. I think of the times I haven't demonstrated God's holiness both in my home and other places. It makes me cringe in fear and sorrow. My actions have often smeared the name of God...my selfishness, losing my temper, my depression. God forgive me.
When Joshua was chosen to lead Israel, he already had the Spirit in him. I don't think the Spirit was given then as it is now. I wonder if it was Joshua's faith as a spy that caused him to be filled?
God says, "the offering you you present to me by the fire are my food" which I find interesting. Jesus said something like, "My food is to do the will of my Father." I never think of "God" as needing food of any sort.
I have to stop now, but I may add more later.
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